Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
