I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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