You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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