the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
