Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There's even glitter on my cock...
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