No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
