Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
