please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
