He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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