At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
