I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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