His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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