You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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