she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
