So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
