You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
