I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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