He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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