I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just pee around me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
