the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
