don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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