I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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