Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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