You smell like stripper and shame
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
