i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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