Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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