Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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