Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
