is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
