im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
