I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
