I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
