she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
