you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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