Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
