She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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