what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
