its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
