that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
