Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
