last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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