Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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