i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's blow job season.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
