Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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