I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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