I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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