I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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