I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
