Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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