I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
