There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
