i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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