what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
