It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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